Grit and Toughness

Grit and Toughness

Friends and family ask about this one a lot. How do you raise a kid who will not fold the first time life gets loud? Grit sounds like something you either have or you do not. I do not think that is true.

I am not talking about getting beaten and just sucking it up. That can raise a victim. I am also not talking about the old-school stuff, the yelling and the bees-on-your-pressure-points theater. Some of those early Korean teachers had been through a war. That is not toughness. That is a person who needs help.

What I mean is simpler. You see the goal, and you do the work anyway. In Korean we say baekjul boolgool. Indomitable spirit. Stay rooted. Find what is worthy and commit. Then the process I keep repeating: you perform, you look at it, you change the plan, you go again. Grit is that stubborn little assertion that if I sit down and put the time in, I can make this happen.

It starts with mom and dad. I am going to get myself in a little hot water here. This is just an observation. Moms tend to be really good at the nurture piece. You are okay. You are loved. You are perfect. Dads tend to be, I see you hurt your knee, you can still walk. Kids need both. The lack of one leads to problems.

When they say I do not want to go, treat it like your own skipped gym resolution. They are just worse at the excuses. I have been making these videos a couple months. I am not in the shape I was two years ago. We had a kid. My wife is Filipino and an amazing cook. I put on some weight, watched the first videos, and told myself, take your fat butt back to the gym. My little guy now sees dad huffing and puffing with a smile. They are tape recorders.

Hold them to the goal they set. If they want to quit, ask if they hit the checkered flag. The test. The tournament. The time on the mat. Then they can leave on those terms. I do not love buying them stuff as the reward. I want self-respect, not a mall trip.

If you skip the heart and only keep the look of toughness, you are raising a bully. Model the thing you want. That is how we raise a warrior.

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