How much to be involved?

So, how involved should you be in classes while class is going on?

A lot of parents will ask me, sometimes they don't ask me as much as they should: how involved do you want me in classes? First it depends. There's kind of two roles you have. If you're a volunteer that's kind of helping out, or if you're over there watching, just relaxing.

If you're over there watching, clap for your kid, clap for the other kids. Good job is fine. Not too much coaching. The people who are out here are trying to make sure they have their attention, making sure they're able to get them to do whatever it is they need to do.

Now, if you want to be part of that, either because you're interested in helping out, and most schools love having a little extra help, or you have some experience and I volunteer as tribute, get with the instructor after classes and ask. Hey, I think I'd be interested in helping out. That makes me really happy when that happens. Then when you come out, they're going to tell you, all right, I'm going to conduct class, and they'll give you some guidelines.

The way I explain it to people is, because I have a music background: if you're playing tambourine, play it right with a smile on your face, and don't stand in front of the singer. Let the person who's in front that's trying to do the thing do the thing, and back them up. If other kids are having trouble outside of your kid, help them out. But within the context of what's going on, you're still backing up the instructor.

And I think the final thing, that's really the deal. Back up the instructor. So if the sparring match is going on and your kid's making an obviously dumb mistake, you have to let them make the mistake. Sometimes the mistakes are the things that teach you more than the successes. And it's hard. I know if my kid does something weird, it feels like a reflection on me, but it's not a reflection on me. That's just him being a kid trying to learn. And you're not a failure when they screw up. They're not really a failure either. They're just trying to learn. Give them the space to fail. Give them the space to bang their head against the problem a few times. That's why you brought them to us. So let them do it.

You're going to have the role in the car ride home, maybe over dinner. Hey, what were you having trouble with there? I saw you look like you're frustrated. And then let them tell you. The best thing you can do is if you know all the moves, great, even better. But ask them questions. Get them thinking. It's not about you going in and saving the day.

Then they get stuck and they ask you just straight up. I don't know what I'm doing, Mom. I keep trying to kick and I'm getting my kicks interrupted. Every time I go in to move on somebody, I get cracked upside the head with the shinai and they blow by me. I feel like a chump standing there. Yeah. That's because you're not maintaining centerline control. You may know that answer because you've heard the instructor say it over and over and over again. But you got to say, well, did the instructor ever tell you what you need to do to keep that from happening? Keep asking the questions and keep making them look and they'll get there. It just takes time, and sometimes it takes getting hit a bunch.

They say the three ways that people learn: they learn through just insight, through hearing another person having the experience, or from having the problem hit them upside the head. Then they've got to do it through reflection. We don't get to pick which way we learn. Kids are no different.

Now, there are some times where you're going to want to be involved. We work real hard here to be safe, but maybe something bad happened. Maybe some kid's getting wild and the instructor's dealing with two or three other things, and it's looking dangerous. Speak up. You don't have to stand there and watch your kid get seriously injured. That's ridiculous. Oh, my kid's gonna get kicked in the arm, that's fine. But if some kid's behaving in an abject, thoroughly dangerous way, get the instructor. Coach Matt, check that out. That doesn't look right. I'll be there in a hurry. And if it was truly a thing, I will come over like, thank you, I didn't even see that. When I have parents that do that, I usually like, would you mind, let's get you out here volunteering.

And the parents that volunteer, they are made out of gold. Really, really wonderful to have them out here because clearly they care, and they make the quality of the class for every student, not just their kids, go through the roof.

Just be aware of what the instructor is trying to do. Back them up. Don't be afraid to let the instructor and your kid have a rapport. Outside of that, always keep your finger on the pulse. Make sure everything's going the way you want it to go. Mom and dad, or just mom, or just dad, you're the one who's ultimately in control. And I'm an extension of how you're trying to raise your son or daughter. And if any instructor thinks otherwise, maybe go around that.

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